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lStealtherl
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« on: April 01, 2009, 09:00:04 pm »

Taken from another forum Wink

A. INTRO
I. What is this?
II. Defining 'Noob'

B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
II. Where to find noobs
III. Behavior of noobs
IV. Noob religion
V. More about noob habitats

C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
II. Major noob avoiding strategies

------------------------

A. INTRO

I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to
recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It
mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.

II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same
thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it,
possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their
errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no
will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect
to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter
we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the
wild if needed.

Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's
often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.

* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.

B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS

I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive
language, known as "n00bish." It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes
them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some
noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without
professionals at hand.

stFU /../..an, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit
hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b

Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain
yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily
angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up
by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an
easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from
sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own,
however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.

II. Where to find n00bs
On the internet, n00bs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves,
usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and
sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on
a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in
charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make
nests and larger colonies. THE BANNER HAMMER is one form of authority.

Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial
spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point,
but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will
appear.

Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing
something specific.

III. Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most
often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own
section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at
what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered,
and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid sucession (the noobish word
for laughing like an ultimate retard).

It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defense, and they often attempt to
organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in
a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other.
These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.

Noobs have difficulty reading English and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.

Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to
identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell
them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology
and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around
them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob
and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.

IV. Noob Religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they
worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and
signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like
calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their
religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can
turn a forum to mush in less than a week.

V. More about noob habitats
Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of
these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless
animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt
LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish.

They will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88X31 affiliate buttons
replaced with red X's scattered here and there, and possibly a hit counter showing a
number less than 100. These habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid
because only noobs link to them. So if you can identify a noob, don't go to its
homepage. Simple as that.

C. AVOIDING NOOBS

I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't
already.

English (T4lk)-

Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to
comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are
and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available
online quizzes to check your noobancy.

Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG
LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE
LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL
LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL
HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337

II. Major noob avoiding strategies
The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you
find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. If
not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy
your time there before the noobs find it.

Another way to keep noobs from interfering with your life is to become part of the
authority on one of these forums. But that's often hard to do so you'll probably be
better off avoiding larger forums first off. If you do manage to become part of the
authority, however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so
that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations.
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UnSaFe
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« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2009, 09:31:11 pm »

Obviously a noob wrote this. omfg l33t lololololol ZORRR!
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teh Frost
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« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2009, 03:01:56 am »

I already knew that 'newbie' and 'noob' ain't the same thing! LOL I'm the best, im bettr than this wroter lol:P

1337!!! !1 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 w1LOL!
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Krayzie
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« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2009, 07:56:49 am »

             I will noticed when i go to computer shop, all gamers saying noob to each other.


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teh Frost
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« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2009, 01:22:54 pm »

I say noob to everyone irl lol:P Srsly.
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-Mein-
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« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2009, 04:09:03 pm »

wow another topic where i read everything lol lol lol ! Cheesy

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lStealtherl
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« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2009, 09:18:38 pm »

wow another topic where i read everything lol lol lol ! Cheesy


Here is another one then Tongue
http://www.newerth.com/smf/index.php/topic,7266.0.html
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« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2009, 09:41:27 pm »

Off-Topic fell down against Necromancy.
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