Jokes Thread

[born_to_be_noobish]

Santh's joke reminded me of this one:
Two explorers are captured by a native tribe. The chief tells them that they can choose between the boinga boinga ritual or the death penalty.
The first explorer says: "hm, ok, boinga boinga it is then." The natives grab him and he is assraped by all the tribesmen.
The second explorer sees this and says "oh my god, no, i'll take the death penalty instead." The chieftain turns to his tribesmen, points to the explorer and yells: "Death by boinga boinga!"

[Spung]

Don needs to get in this lol

[Storky]

If vodka was water.. And I was a duck..
I'd swim to the bottom and never came up!
But vodka's not water & I'm not a duck..
So slide me a bottle and shut the fuck up!

[Tjens]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.

[SpearWolf]

I wondered what he meant by a joke thread, then i realized Yera made the first post..

[Java]

I wondered what he meant by a joke thread, then i realized Yera made the first post..

OH SHIT, NO HE DIDN'T!

[DarkStar]

Don needs to get in this lol

YES! i must harass him and tell him to come post his wisdom! 

[Hwoarang]

will it still be called the white house if Barack obama willl become president?

[Storky]

racism

[eXZeth]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.

ive read this joke in a canadian joke book but it wasnt a blonde it was a rich man and he had a cade XD

[Kuldk2pp]

that broomrape one was pretty good, why delete? 

[happyera]

I wondered what he meant by a joke thread, then i realized Yera made the first post..

OH SHIT, NO HE DIDN'T!

OWNED !!!

[Tjens]

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it", she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just cannot understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like.... Hellooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!"

[FLATJUICE]

http://img508.imageshack.us/img508/4724/1226701691494lm3.gif

[Tjens]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her:

    “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,:

    “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”

The woman said:

    “That’s okay.” For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.”

The frog warned her:

    “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”.

The woman replied:

    “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said:

    “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. “

The woman said,

    “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered:

    “I’d like a mild heart attack.”



Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.



Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they’re really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!